1） What's Said: "Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

    What's Heard: "This can come off sounding like you're passing judgment on effort," says Anderson. "It's better to encourage a single person to explore new relationships to the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced."

    說者：也許你沒好好爭取。

    聽者：你在貶低她的個(gè)人能力，你覺得她是個(gè)不上進(jìn)的人。

    2） What's Said: "Wear more makeup."

    What's Heard: More than implying that the search for Mr. Right is as easy as brushing a spot of color onto the cheeks, this comment offends further by actually attacking a person's core identity.

    "A woman presents herself according to what she defines as meaningful. Whether her style is glamorous belle or au naturelle, every woman should be allowed to be herself. There's a man out there who is going to be attracted to her style, whatever it is. If she's presenting herself as anyone other than who she really is, that's false advertising and that's going to backfire."

    說者：多化化妝

    聽者：找男朋友像涂口紅一樣簡單，同時(shí)你也質(zhì)疑了對方的外表。

    3） What's Said: "Get back out there!"

    What's Heard: This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed or Internet or blind dating, or worse, that she isn't living a full enough life.

    "Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day," says Anderson. "Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out."

    說者：多出去接觸人群

    聽者：我單身因?yàn)槲也幌矚g和人打交道，我不喜歡上網(wǎng)，我沒有相親，總而言之，我是個(gè)失敗的人。

    4） What's Said: "You're too picky"

    What's Heard: This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating, says Anderson. "This sends single women the message that their time to be choosy is up, that it's now time to go out and pick up any chump."

    說者：你太挑剔了

    聽者：我以前太挑剔，現(xiàn)在連挑剔的機(jī)會(huì)都沒有了。

    5） What's Said: "Tone it down a notch."

    What's Heard: You ask too many questions. You're too intimidating. You're overly opinionated. You're too consumed with work.

    "This is interpreted by single women to mean that they have to dial down their core identity a notch in order to attract potential suitors and make them feel comfortable," says Anderson.

    "Suggesting that a woman reduce the fullness of who she is to lure a mate will lead to an inauthentic connection, and is a recipe for a disastrous relationship or marriage. Because really, how long can any person fake it and maintain a facade?"

    說者：要求低一點(diǎn)

    聽者：我問的問題太多了，我的要求太高了。我放下身段就可以吸引異性，讓他們對我有好感。