Building relationships is essential for having a fulfilling life, but - as we all know - it's not without its problems. Even close friendships could have problems every now and then. That's why it's important to learn about relationship problems and how to overcome them. While there are many relationship problems that could happen, I believe they boil down to just two. These are the basic problems that cause other problems in relationships. Here they are:

relationships problems

1. Misunderstanding

Misunderstanding is perhaps the most common problem in relationships. Sometimes your friends misinterpret what you do or say. Or it's you who misinterpret them. Depending on the maturity of the people involved, such misunderstanding could be solved quickly or it could open the way to more serious problems.

Misunderstanding is caused either by lack of quality or quantity in communication. You could spend a lot of time to communicate with your friends (for example, with your roommate), but if the quality of the communication is low then there is a good chance that misunderstanding will happen.

The problem could also happen because you and your friend don't communicate often enough. If both parties are busy, they may not have the chance to communicate what they need or want which may eventually lead to misunderstanding.

2. Selfishness

Another common problem in relationships is selfishness. Perhaps both parties understand what the other party needs, but one or both of them are not willing to give it. They prefer to just keep it for themselves. In this case, the problem is lack of action instead of lack of understanding.

For example, it takes time to build relationships but we may be too busy to provide time for others. While we can't generalize the case, being busy could be a form of selfishness. Just wanting to be understood without trying to understand is also a form of selfishness.

These two basic problems cause many other relationship problems. Being judgmental, for instance, is often caused by selfishness. We want others to meet our expectations and we blame them when they don't.

Anger could be caused my misunderstanding. You may think that your friend does something bad to you while she actually doesn't intent to. Perhaps she does you good but you misinterpret it. Misunderstanding causes us to misinterpret positive as negative.

These two relationship problems may seem simple, but solving them requires serious effort. It may take years or even lifetime to learn how to solve them. But being aware of them is a good first step because we can't win a war if we don't even know the enemy.
In a future article,

建立關系是擁有多彩生活的要素，但是——像我們大家都知道的那樣——它并非沒有問題。甚至密切的友誼也可能偶爾發(fā)生問題。這就是了解關系問題及如何克服這些問題的重要性之所在。雖然有許多關系問題可能會發(fā)生，我相信它們歸結起來只有兩個。這些是引起其它關系問題的基本問題。它們是：

1. 誤解

誤解或許是最常見的關系問題。有時，你的朋友誤解你所做的或所說的。或者是你誤解他們。根據所涉及的人的成熟程度，這種誤解可能很快地得到解決，或者可能通向更為嚴重的問題。

誤解要么是在溝通方面缺乏質量要么是在溝通方面缺乏數量而引起的。你可以花很多時間去與你的朋友（例如與你的室友）溝通，但是如果溝通的質量低，則有很多機會會發(fā)生誤解。

這個問題也可能因為你和你的朋友沒有經常充分地溝通而發(fā)生。如果雙方都很忙，他們可能沒有機會溝通他們需要或者想要溝通的事情，這可能最終導致誤會。

2. 自私

另一個常見的關系問題是自私。也許雙方都明白另一方需要什么，但是一方或者雙方都不愿意給出它。他們只是寧愿為了自己而保留它。在這種情況下，問題是缺乏行動而不是缺乏了解。

舉例來說，建立關系要花時間，但我們可能過于忙碌而不能給別人提供時間。雖然我們不能一概而論這種情況，忙碌可能是一種自私的形式。只是想要被理解，而不是努力去理解，也是一種自私的形式。

這兩個基本問題引起很多其它的關系問題。舉例來說，主觀判斷就往往是自私造成的。我們希望別人滿足我們的期望，而我們在他們不能滿足我們時責怪他們。

憤怒可能引起我的誤會。你可能會認為你的朋友做了什么對你不好的事，而她其實并不打算這樣。也許她未能對你有益，但是你誤解了這件事。誤解引起我們把正面的東西曲解為負面的東西。

這兩個關系問題似乎很簡單，但是解決這些問題需要認真的努力。可能要花許多年或者終身的時間去學習如何解決這些問題。但是知道它們是很好的第一步，因為如果我們甚至不知道敵人是誰，我們就不能打贏一場戰(zhàn)爭。